{"id":47,"date":"2023-10-25T15:14:27","date_gmt":"2023-10-25T15:14:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/normal-dad.com\/?p=47"},"modified":"2023-10-26T17:51:13","modified_gmt":"2023-10-26T17:51:13","slug":"outrageous-expectations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/normal-dad.com\/index.php\/2023\/10\/25\/outrageous-expectations\/","title":{"rendered":"Outrageous Expectations"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Don\u2019t worry, this section is not about the demands placed on you or your kids by family, school, work, society or anything like that\u2026 it\u2019s about the expectations we can and should place on our kids. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

TLDR: Set high standards. \u201cIf you shoot for the moon you\u2019ll still land among the stars\u201d can work great for kids if you have outrageous expectations tempered with real-world support and the ability to clearly communicate, compassionately reinforce, and consistently provide feedback. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI feel like he\u2019s two, but you hold him to a four-year-old-standard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A number of years ago, my wife and her college friends started an annual reunion. Each year they\u2019d pick a different city, they\u2019d rent a large house and everyone brought their families. They\u2019ve since-then decided that moving forward they will just leave the husbands and kids at home (a decision I highly encourage), but for this story, everyone was together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We flew from Chicago to Tampa, rented a car and made our way to the AirBnB. Not long after we arrive, several of the newly minted parents (ourselves included) are all trying to feed our kids after the long day of travel and we start to see a few differences in how things are handled. Some of us throw food on a plate and beg the kid to take a bite as they periodically trundle past the table. Some of us tether the child into a high-chair, lay down a tarp, and ready the mop. Some of us (ahem), ask our two year old to get a plastic plate, bring it to the table, sit down and place a napkin on their lap before eating. Once the meal is done, that same child asked to be excused from the table and (after a gentle reminder) cleared his plate back to the kitchen counter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, while this is CLEARLY an excuse on my part to do a humble-brag, the point is actually just to point out the difference in expectations that we were setting for our kids at this event. Are all three options valid given the structure of the day? Of course! It\u2019s completely understandable that our kids might need to get some wiggles out after a travel day and the excitement of seeing a new house, and new playing partners. It\u2019s also understandable to not want to make a mess in this new home that we are renting and therefore employ the added protection that the high-chair\/tarp combo can provide. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But\u2026 how did we get there? When I was a kid we didn\u2019t always eat dinner together. My Mother worked two jobs, my Father did odd jobs and as a result, we more often than not, were left to our own devices for meals and such. A vat of tuna noodle casserole or spaghetti was made on Sunday and that was slowly whittled away throughout the week. We DID however go to Grandma and Grandpa\u2019s house every Sunday where we learned our table manners. How to hold silverware, to ask someone to pass things rather than just reaching across the table, etc. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A concept that I didn\u2019t learn until later was the whole ask to be excused thing. At first I didn\u2019t understand it. I thought this was a little odd and didn\u2019t really get the point. Now that I\u2019m a parent, I see the benefit that it gives us. First, I\u2019m not a fan of \u201cforcing\u201d or \u201cbegging\u201d my kids to eat. They can decide if they need food or not but that they need to know that \u201cThis is dinner\u201d and if they don\u2019t eat it now, it means that is the end of the meal and they will not be getting anything else later. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Highlights: <\/p>\n\n\n\n